I was dropping off a box of donated books in the Library lobby when I heard a faint cry of help coming from the Community Room. I opened the door and looked inside. There I saw a bewildered Libby Lobster floating aimless about the room.

    “Libby, how did you become a UFO, and where is my balloon bouquet?”

    “You meant that wasn’t an edible bouquet?

    “No. It wasn’t part of our upcoming Vivacious Vittles program.”

    “Well they actually were tasty.” Libby squeaked as the helium was beginning to affect his voice.

    “Libby, you’d eat whitewalls au gratin. Anyway, The Vivacious Vittles program is mostly about nutritious foods, and, as far as I know, there’s no minimum daily requirements for helium balloons. Maybe we should talk a little more about what the program is actually about.”

    “That would be great! Maybe you could refresh my memory. It’s been a while since I reviewed the program material,” Libby replied.

 

    “No! Not beanstalks! Remember the last time I tried to grow one?”

     “You mean the time you ran into that giant seafood chef?”

     “No, the time after that.”

     “You grew more than one magic beanstalk, Libby!?”

     “I must’ve forgotten to tell you about the second time. I got some seeds at a farmers' market a few years back. I knew I shouldn’t have bought that seed variety pack from the only vendor with thunder clouds and winged monkeys hovering over his stall. I accidentally tore the packet on my way home. The next morning I saw that another one of those giant beanstalks had grown in my backyard.”

     “Did you climb it, Libby?”

     “I did, and boy, was that a mistake!”

     “What happened?”

     “It was incredibly strange. Once I reached the top, I saw several buildings, all resembling armoires. Soon I was met by someone who was dressed in a sort of preacher’s outfit with one sleeve missing. He led me to their main temple. Once we got there, I noticed there was a design flaw. The building was missing an entrance. I then realized every building was missing something, doors, windows, one was even missing an entire first floor.”

     I asked this preacher why this was. He said it was part of the divine plan of their great god, Ikeah.”

     “You mean IKEA?” I asked

    “I did some research later, and found out that a door on a plane delivering IKEA armoires blew open, and one of the boxes fell into their cloud city. The cloud city inhabitants took it to be a message from God. Of course, when they built the armoire, they noticed that some parts were missing. They came to believe that was part of the divine plan, so everything they made since is missing a part.

    Something else immediately came to my attention. I noticed that most of the inhabitants were gone. I asked the preacher about this and was told that they were all on a quest for a sacred relic.”

     “You mean the Holy Grail?”

     “No, the Holy Allen Wrench. The preacher noticed that I was becoming tired and offered me some coffee. He offered to get me a spoon to stir in the cream. I declined and took what I thought to be a stirrer from my pocket. It turned out that it was something else entirely. The preacher’s eyes widened in surprise and he shouted ‘It’s the Holy Allen Wrench! Guards, seize him!’ I quickly recovered from my stupor and jumped from the window. I ran as fast as I could until I saw a dormant fountain. I recalled reading something about growing lettuce in a bowl. I dug through the packet and found a magic romaine lettuce seed. I threw it in the fountain. A giant head of lettuce soon appeared. I tore off a leaf and used it to parachute to what I hoped would be safety, but it wasn’t.”

    “What happened?”

     “The lettuce didn’t make a great parachute. Fortunately, my landing was cushioned by what turned out to be a giant, inflatable lobster roll. I looked around and realized I’d landed in the middle of a lobster roll eating contest. Thinking ‘This is not a good place for me’, I quickly came up with a plan. I painted a red ‘S’ on my chest with cocktail sauce, used the lettuce as a cape, and shouted ‘It’s a roll! It’s a bisque! It's Super Lobster!’ The crowd was dumbfounded, and for a brief while, looked at me as something other than a menu item. Luckily, a gust of wind caught the lettuce leaf and sent me skyward, bringing me to a landing near our newly opened Book Shed.”

     “That was some adventure, Libby! And if you want a learning adventure that doesn’t involve giant beanstalks or cloud cities, sign up for one of the Vivacious Vittles soon!”

     “Don’t forget to keep checking here for more adventure of me, Libby Lobster!”

Story courtesy of Bob Cochran