Happy ancestral birthday, Brian

Today would have been Brian’s 50^th birthday.

Brian was never really interested in celebrating his birthday, but nonetheless, if he was still here, we would have done something. He’d grumble and then I’d remind him of the gathering he organized on my 50^th birthday, and he would begrudgingly concede.

Even though he’s gone, the day is still significant to me. I’ve struggled with how to best commemorate the day. I’ve felt I needed to do something, but what?

I was caught in the Instagram rabbit hole one day and I came across the page of a musician who had lost their wife last year. I was moved by the stories they shared about the joy of time spent with a partner and the pain of grieving their loss. A week or so later, I checked out the page again and saw they were honoring their late wife’s birthday in February as her “ancestor birthday.” 

I hadn’t heard of observing an ancestral birthday before, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Brian is part of my history and our shared experiences helped shape who I am today.

So, today, March 13, is Brian’s ancestral birthday. Today is the day I will take pause and reflect on the impact Brian had and continues to have on my life. Today I will remember the stories of our time together. Today I will remember the things he taught me and what I learned as we matured in our relationship.

There will be tears, there will be laughter. There will be sadness and nostalgia and love and pain.

Cheers, Brian. I miss you every day. Thank you for the memories.

Liz Gotthelf is the publisher of Saco Bay News. She is stumbling through life after the unexpected loss of her husband in August, and periodically writes columns reflecting on her journey. She can be reached at newsdesk@sacobaynews.com.