Queer Eye from the Straight Guy

It’s that time of year again. Summer is beckoning, and we will soon be celebrating Pride Month, an international observance celebrating members of the LGBTQ+ community during the month of June.

Right on cue, you can expect to see a lot of push-back about Pride Month on social media platforms such as Facebook, X and Instagram. Those lamenting the celebration of Pride Month will sing an all-too-familiar refrain:

“Why are they shoving this stuff down our throats?”

“Why isn’t there a celebration for heterosexual people?”

“I don’t mind gay people, but why do they have to make a big deal about this stuff?”

“It’s immoral and against my religious values.”

Since I am a happily married heterosexual, I thought it might be useful if I attempted to answer those questions from the perspective of someone who doesn’t “fly the rainbow flag.”

What is often overlooked is the fact that Pride Month is a celebration for everyone - even us grumpy, older straight people fit on the rainbow spectrum.

The point of Pride celebrations is the joyous relief that no one – no one – has to live in fear of retaliation or even violence just because of their gender, orientation, skin color, cultural heritage or anything else.

Violence? Really? That’s just an exaggeration to illicit sympathy for social deviants, right? Ummm . . .

Join me now for a trip in the Way-Back time machine. Actually, we’re not going too far back in time.

It is October 6, 1998. We are standing in a sprawling pasture not far from Fort Collins, Colorado. We can see a long wooden fence with blood stains.

This is the spot where college student Matthew Shepard was beaten and tortured by two other men.

Matthew had been strapped to one of those fence posts. His attackers took their time brutally attacking him, celebrating their uncorked rage and hatred. They beat him relentlessly until he lost consciousness.

Matthew’s attackers left him there alone to die in an open field, his body shattered and still bleeding. Matthew died a few days later in a hospital room.

What was Matthew’s crime? Why did his attackers hate him so much? Why did they feel the need to take his life? What terrible thing had he done to spark so much anger, so much hatred?

Matthew was gay.

That’s it. Matthew was an adult male who loved another man. That’s it. That’s all.

Simply because he loved another man, Matthew’s attackers felt it was their God-given, righteous duty to mete out their own version of justice.

During their trial, one of the attackers told the Court that Matthew had made “sexual advances” toward him. Some people even expressed sympathy toward the two men who killed Matthew Shepard.

Now, with that out of the way, let me now try to answer those four questions.

1.  1) Why are they shoving this stuff down our throats?

Well, for starters, having a parade and flying a flag is far cry from “shoving something down anyone’s throats.” Gay people have been around just as long as straight people, but have always been in the minority. Always made to feel that they are “queers” and not worthy. Defective, immoral people: faggots and dykes.

It has been this way for millennia. Homosexuality has been condemned in literature, films, popular music and even religious texts including the Bible and the Quran.

Remember high school? Imagine if one of your classmates brought another boy to the prom? How would that have gone over? Imagine that girl living down the street giving another girl a Valentine’s Day card.

In reality, -- until very, very recently -- heterosexuality is what is crammed down every kid’s throat from birth onward.

What bothers you so much about seeing a rainbow flag or seeing gay people openly and proudly marching in a parade? Why are you so easily triggered by seeing people now able to express their love and identity? Don’t we all have the right to life, freedom and the pursuit of happiness?

2. 2) Why isn’t there a celebration for straight people?

Seriously? Every other month except June is basically a celebration, honoring heterosexual people. It’s Mr. and Mrs. Claus, not Mr. and Mister Claus, right?

If you’re a straight person, odds are that you have always enjoyed the relative safety, comfort and acceptance of being straight.

You were never asked to live a lie, to hide your true feelings. To remain in a closet out of sight, and out of my mind.

Up until just a few years ago, gay people were expected to stay out of view. They were not allowed to marry the person they loved and cherished. They were not allowed to serve in the military. All that is slowly changing. That is why gay people can now – finally – celebrate the fact that they are gay.

3. 3) I don’t mind gay people, but why do they have to make a big deal about being gay?

For starters, refer to point No. 2. Are you married? Ever been to a wedding? Know someone who is married? Marriage ceremonies are a really big deal and represent a multi-billion-dollar industry.

Why do straight people make such a big deal about their weddings, engagements and anniversaries? It’s all-over social media: Straight people celebrating their kids, sharing pictures of their honeymoons and their dream weddings.

Who we love IS a big deal and cause for celebration, straight, gay or whatever.

4. 4)  It’s immoral and against my religious values.

Many people are quick to say that homosexuality is a sin, an affront to God, the creator. I’d like to know what exactly is wrong with consenting adults loving each other. What bothers you so much about adults being able to live their own, authentic lives?

“Well, it’s prohibited in the Bible,” some folks say.

Yes, it is. In fact, the Bible has some very specific language describing homosexuality as abomination. (Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13, not to mention other passages in the New Testament.

The Book of Leviticus offers the following: "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable, and "If a man lies with a man as one lies with woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

I wonder if the two men who attacked and killed Matthew Shepard were thinking, “hey, we’re just following what the Bible says.”

It should be noted that the same book of the Bible also prohibits tattoos, eating bacon, lobster, clams and oysters.

The book of Leviticus also offers helpful advice for the proper rules of selling a slave advocates the death penalty for adultery.

So, do we follow the Bible or just the selected parts we like?

I can almost hear some people screaming about transgender persons using public restrooms and the “unfairness” of athletic teams that allow biological men to compete on women’s teams.

I don’t have all the answers. But I do have faith. I believe a nation that figured out how to put a man on the moon can probably tackle and solve these controversial issues.

Remember, less than 75 years ago it was quite fashionable to complain about Blacks using the same water fountains as their white counterparts.

Are some members of the LGBTQ+ community a bit too extreme and in-your-face? Yup. Being gay or trans does not necessarily exempt you from being an asshole or stop you from being obnoxious or rude in public.

But 99.9 percent of the LGBTQ+ community are just like you and me. They just want to heave a sigh of relief and celebrate the fact that they no longer have to remain hidden from view.

As far as I know, celebrating Pride Month is not a compulsory obligation. If Pride celebrations really bother you, don’t go to the parade or flag-raising ceremony.

But maybe ask yourself this: what exactly are you afraid of? Do you view homosexuality as a disease? Are you worried that if your kid reads a book about another kid with two dads, then your kid will decide to become gay. Really?

When, exactly, did you decide that you were straight? Did you get it from a book, a movie or a parade?

If you’re gay, you’re gay. If you’re straight, you’re straight. It’s not any more of a choice than your eye color or your height. It’s how you were born. It’s who you are. It’s not a choice. You don’t choose to be tall or short; to have blue eyes or brown eyes. You don’t choose where you were born. It’s really okay for us to be different and to be decent toward people different from ourselves.

You always have the choice to just be kind and respectful. If a rainbow offends you, simply turn away. Scroll past.

Relax. July will be here before you know it. And then we can ALL celebrate our freedom by waving flags, marching in parades and lighting fireworks. Remember, we are ALL equal, not just us straight, old, grumpy white guys.

Peace!

Randy Seaver is a cranky, nearly insufferable malcontent living in Biddeford. He is a retired newspaper editor and the principal of a small strategic communications consulting firm.