Primordial alphabet soup, or Libby Lobster's Scrabble adventures

I was walking through the freshly fallen snow in Memorial Park in Old Orchard Beach yesterday, when my eyes fell upon a strange shaped snow sculpture and an even stranger shape making it. Drawn by curiosity I approached this frozen oddity and found that it was being made by none other than Libby Library’s Doyen of the Display Shelf, Libby Lobster.

“What the heck are you making, Libby?”

“It’s a snow diphthong.”

“So that’s supposed to be an A and E smooshed together.”

“You are correct-o-mundo, buddy boy!” Libby exclaimed.

 “I thought it was an advertisement for your new candy line.”

 “Why did you think that?”

 “I thought it said ‘AIIIEEE,’ which was the sound I made when I tried the beluga bubblegum of yours.  Anyway, why are you making a snow diphthong?”

 “I’m in the process of sharpening my already inedible language skills for the new Giant Scrabble Game we’re starting this week at the Library.”

 “I think you mean you have incredible language skills. Inedible applies more to that bubblegum of yours.”

“You’re darn right I have incredible language skills. I’m flatulent in several languages!”

“I think the word you’re looking for is fluent, but in your case, I think flatulent is a more apt description.”

“I’ll have you know that people have told me that when I speak I wax a poet!”

“The expression is ‘waxing poetic,’ but I can see Longfellow jumping into a vat of Turtlewax after hearing what you do to the language. What I can’t see is how you became Libby Library’s undisputed Scrabble champion.”

“I don’t know myself either. All I know is, after a few minutes, all my opponents praise my skills by throwing their hands in the air and saying ‘I can’t believe it!’ I believe that’s a true testament to my prodigal skills!”

“Do you mean prodigious by any chance? Actually, prodigal might be a better description of your Scrabble skills.”

“That’s what I said. Also, I’ll have you know my Scrabble training regimen is rigor mortis!”

“I think you mean rigorous, but this conversation is beginning to make me feel stiff. Let’s change the subject a little, Libby.  How did you become interested in Scrabble?

“As you can tell, I’ve been quite a word smite since I was a wee lobster. I was just naturally drawn to the game. Did you know it is really difficult being a lobster Scrabble master? Just handling those little tiles with these claws adds about two or three days to each game. Also, we found out pretty soon that the cardboard game boards don’t hold up well underwater. After five minutes you’re playing on wad of papier mâché, and all your well thought out words end up looking like...”

“An eye chart?”

“No..like the ancient dialect we used to write poetry. You were close with the eye chart though. Did you know most eye charts are direct reprints of old lobster poems. So when you got your left eye covered, and are reading ‘ZXVYTQWY…” you’re actually reciting:

There once was a lobster who loved to take a risk

On a dare he took a real doozy

He stepped into what he took for a jacuzzi

And ended up in a bisque.”

“If you couldn’t use the original Scrabble game boards, what did you use?”

“Glad you asked! Since we play underwater we need something that won’t dissolve or rust, so we use stainless steel boat anchors to make our game boards. By the way, did you know how Scrabble got its name? The game’s first bigtime promoter, James Brunot, just happened to be hanging around when my clumsy Great Uncle Lykaios dropped one of those stainless steel boards on his foot and yelled ‘SCRABBLE!!’ Brount thought it sounded catchy, and the name stuck.”

“So, Libby, your Great Uncle Lykaios is one of Scrabble’s unsung heroes.”

“He sang pretty loudly when it happened!”

“I saw in Lobster Wikipedia that you actually were quite the Scrabble legend in crustacean circles until your career came to an abrupt ending. What happened?”

“I was on the brink of winning the Grand Banks All Crustacean Scrabble Championship when I made a fateful error.”

“What was that?”

“I played the word ’butter.’”

“I can see that not going down too well with an all crustacean audience. Anyway, we wouldn’t want our reader to make a fatal mistake, and miss the opportunity to play the Giant Scrabble Game going on here at Libby Library between now and February 28th, You can play once a day, and have a chance at the high total score of the week. The player with the highest score wins a gift card to one of our fantastic local businesses.”

“Also, keep checking with us back here at the blog. You don’t want to miss the opportunity to catch more of my tales of intrigue and herring-do!”

“It’s derring-do. Anyway, we’ll be back soon with more library news!”

Story Courtesy of Bob Cochran