Missing the little things
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A quick note I wrote to my husband in July now looks like a relic from a past life. PHOTO BY LIZ GOTTHELF
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Paying bills is not something I enjoy doing, but it never made me cry, until last month.
I was sorting through a pile of mail, and I saw a note I had written to Brian just weeks before on the back of the envelope of my credit card bill.
It was a message I had left on the kitchen counter before leaving in the morning to let him know there was pasta in the refrigerator that he could take with him to work for lunch.
As I read the note, after Brian's death, it dawned on me how quickly things can change.
One day, I'm writing my husband a quick note, part of a series of tasks like brushing my teeth and locating my car keys before heading out the door in the morning. A few weeks later, the note is an artifact of a previous chapter of my life.
It's so easy to long for big things in life. Scroll for a few minutes on Facebook or Instagram and you'll see people you know (and some you may not but wish you did) presumable having the time of their life. They're smiling jubilantly at the camera, standing in an exotically beautiful or hyper-fun looking place. Maybe they're looking sun kissed and wearing a bright summer dress while you're sitting in Maine on your couch in grungy sweatpants, or maybe they're eating a meal that looks like a piece of art while you're in the breakroom scarfing down a turkey sandwich.
That’s all nice, but ultimately, it’s the mundane things that really matter. It’s those commonplace things that fill up our days, make up most of our lives, and shape who we are. You can always find someone to share an Instagrammable moment with you, but it’s harder to find someone who will share all the moments in between.
Go ahead and post your picture of that fancy cruise or your $10 cup of coffee. I’m cherishing the years of memories of boring nights with Brian discussing the best way to load the dishwasher, comparing cans in the cat food aisle at Pet Smart, or taking much too long to decide what to eat for dinner.
Liz Gotthelf is the publisher of Saco Bay News. She is stumbling through life after the recent and unexpected loss of her husband, and will periodically write columns about it as she processes everything. She can be reached at newsdesk@sacobaynews.com.