Note: Every Monday, Saco Bay News publishes our “Local Spotlight” feature, which highlights notable people who live or work in the tri-community area. We would really love to hear your suggestions about people in our community who you would like to see highlighted in this space.

Because of a last-minute scheduling conflict, we decided to have a little fun this week and share some insight through the eyes of Sasha Seaver, a two-year-old Black Labrador Retriever from Biddeford.

Sasha is not much different than any other dog, but she does have some very strong opinions about local politics, classic movies, music and squirrels. Sasha came into our lives a little more than two years ago, and with each passing day she becomes increasingly frustrated that she is not nearly as famous as Clarence, another Black Lab that is routinely featured in You Tube and Tik Tok video clips on Facebook. (Search: Free Clarence).

Why is it so important to be famous?

“Are you stupid? Would you rather be Oprah Winfrey or Rick Jones? Celebrities have a great life. They have lots of friends, and they have access to lots of bacon. Look at that dude Clarence. What’s so special about him?

“My dad is a so-called ‘communications consultant,’ and I don’t even have my own Facebook page. Almost every day, I have to listen to my father and mother giggle about the latest trials and tribulations of Clarence. All that dude does is complain. I am smarter and prettier. I should be lighting up the internet.

Word on the street is that you have some pretty strong opinions about local politics. There is an upcoming election in Biddeford. Which mayoral candidate do you prefer, Susan Deschambault or Marty Grohman?

“Neither. What have they ever done for me? I am writing in my own candidate, my next-door neighbor, Mary Casey Walsh. Every time I see her, she gives me bacon. Dude, that kind of commitment needs to be honored. Don’t you know anything about pork and politics?

The Biddeford City Council is currently considering a change to its local ordinances that would require dogs to be leashed in Clifford Park. What do you think?

“First, I can’t believe this is still an issue before the council. Why can’t they make a simple decision? This is a no-brainer. Councilor Marc Lessard got it right. Dogs should be leashed in Clifford Park. Duh.

“I get very nervous when unleashed dogs run up to me and start sniffing my private areas. I should be able to enjoy Clifford Park, too. That park is also home to a critical and sensitive habitat that should be protected. How hard of a decision is this? Either you’re in favor or you are not. Make a decision already. I’m not getting any younger.”

So, you’re a fan of Councilor Marc Lessard?

“Oh yeah, big time. I wish he was my owner. He always gets right to the point without any bulls$#t. I also love his campaign signs. Red is a bold color. It shows that he’s ready to lead. Give that guy a leash, and I will follow him to the ends of the earth. I also think he’s kind of cute.”

You’re a black lab. You must enjoy swimming.

“First, I commend your ability to grasp the obvious. Yes, I am a black lab; and no, I don’t go swimming. I don’t like the water. Not all labs like the water. Google it, for God’s sake.”

Why don’t you like to go swimming?

“Dude, have you not seen the movie, Jaws? Seriously. Steven Spielberg sent a message. Sure, that bastard shark killed the girl who was drunk and skinny dipping, but before he sunk his teeth into that little Kitner kid on an inflatable raft, he killed a black lab in plain daylight.

“Spielberg wanted you to know this shark was the real deal. He would eat your friends, your kids, and even your dog. If only Pippet had lived. I am one of his direct descendants. He was my great-great grandfather, and his life was cut tragically short.

“You go ahead and throw a stick in the water, but I ain’t going after it.”

You like the movie Jaws?

“Like I have a choice? My dad watches it two to three times a week. He watches the same five or six movies over and over again. “The Godfather, Goodfellas, Star Wars, Scarface . . . my favorite movie is Jurassic Park.

You also enjoy reading. What’s your favorite book?

“Hey, Einstein . . . did you really not know the answer to that one? Four legs good. Two legs bad. Animal Farm. There’s a reason it’s a classic. But Kurt Vonnegut is probably my favorite author.

I’ve heard that you don’t like Kevin Costner.

“I hate Kevin Costner even more than I hate llamas, and I can’t stand llamas. Alpacas are cool, but llamas suck. Kevin Costner, however, sucks worse. Dude, they should have called that movie Dancing With Cats because he is such a p#ss@y.”

What are some other things that annoy you?

“People who say it’s a doggie-dog world. Hey, Dumbass, it’s supposed to be ‘it’s a dog-eat-eat dog world,’ even though that’s kind of gross. Cannibalism ain’t my thing. I also don’t like people who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot.”

Biddeford, Saco and Old Orchard Beach each offer a public dog park. Which one is your favorite?

“Well Saco is the smallest and parking can be tight. My dad sucks at parking, so it stresses me out. Biddeford has a big dog park but I prefer Old Orchard Beach. Sometimes, my dad gets Pier Fries after we visit the park, and sometimes he shares. I LOVE vinegar on my fries.

“My closest friends also go to the Old Orchard Beach dog park. Shout out to my fellow bitches, Sophia, Kevin, Benny and Roscoe. You guys rule!

Randy Seaver can be contacted at randy@randyseaver.com.