I just finished imbibing an exceptionally delicious dirty chai at one of our fine local establishments in Old Orchard Beach when my eyes fell upon an unusual object approaching Libby Library in a rather erratic fashion. I carefully approached the object, and beheld something not seen every day. It was a self-propelled inter-library loan bag. One in a rather battered condition at that. It was indeed something you don’t see every day unless those days include encounters with Libby Memorial Library’s famous mascot, Libby Lobster. It turns out that was the case here, when I saw that the loan bag was being propelled by none other than Libby himself.

“Libby, what happened to you?” I exclaimed.

“You sir are looking at the crustacean Phileas Fogg. I’ve just been around the world in 80 days.”

“You made a bet that you could go ‘round the world in 80 days in a battered inter-library loan bag!?”

“No, I’ll admit it had a somewhat less auspicious start. A few rather suspicious mahjong players accused me of cheating just because of the unusual rattling sounds emanating from my right sleeve. They didn’t believe me when I told them that it was due to a rare lobster ailment. That failed to allay their suspicions, and they threatened to turn me upside down and oscillate me vigorously. It was then I made a rapid retreat to the back room and concealed myself in an inter-library loan bag.”

“I thought you learned your lesson after the last time you got caught cheating. Anyway, what happened next?”

“I nodded off to sleep inside the bag. After a while I was awakened by a violent rocking motion. I unzipped the bag and discovered that I was in the back of an interlibrary van headed who knows where. It wasn’t long before the van came to an abrupt stop. Next there was the sound of the back doors being forcibly opened. The bags spilled out of the van and onto the road. I could hear the several ne'er do wells combing through the bags Soon one of them said ‘#$*{}@! This is a book van, not a bank van!’ Another said ‘It’s not a complete waste. Look what I found!’ Artichokes are Your Friend!?’ the first hoodlum yelled back. ‘Don’t knock it! There’s some great recipes.’”

“They drove off in the interlibrary van, taking the artichoke cookbook with them. Last I heard they were arrested trying to rob a trainload of garlic and bay leaves. Anyway, those thugs left most of us bags lying on the side of the road. “

“What a harrowing experience!” I gasped in awe.

“It was just getting started. Before I knew it, an ostrich that escaped from a local zoo picked my bag up in his beak and began running. He went for several miles before tripping over a fence. The bag got knocked loose and flew through the air until it got entangled in the rigging of a just launched weather balloon.”

“What happened after that, Libby?”

“My weather balloon collided with an obsolete spy satellite once used to track East German kippered herring shipments that was now in a decaying orbit. The collision sent me and the satellite crashing through the roof of a practical joke supply factory. Fortunately, the impact was softened by a pile of factory second whoopee cushions. The massive release of air from the cushions sent me, the satellite and numerous rubber chickens hurling across town and into the midst of a local bake-off. “

“What a disaster!”

“Not really. The resulting red velvet cake topped with lobster, spy satellite and rubber chickens tied for the most unusual cake decoration. The other winner was a jordgubbstårta topped with a diorama depicting the invention of the internal combustion trilby. I ended up winning a Bundt pan and a supply of hot sauce.”

“A Bundt pan and hot sauce?!”

“Don’t knock it. I was depressed, broke, and needing money to get home. Then I saw the price tag inadvertently left on the hot sauce bottle. I was inspired by the astronomical figure I held before me. I hurriedly scavenged all the leftover ingredients lying about the bake off site and threw them together. Soon Ludicrous Libby’s Lava Lunacy hot sauce was born.”

“Next, I used fondant to make the reciprocal borrowing bag look like a giant habanero and got inside. I then used my clever disguise to sneak on to the Hot Ones set. “

“You were a sort of Trojan Chili.”

“You could say that. The disguise was almost too good. I had to avoid several rabid spice fans who thought I belonged in one of their concoctions. I finally found one of the producers and got them to feature my sauce on the show.”

“How did it go?”

“Let’s just say it didn’t go as expected. On the upside, I did find out you actually could fly with chicken wings! I was really soaring until I flew too close to Sonny.”

“You mean, like Icarus, you flew too close to the Sun!?”

“No, I flew too close to Sonny Ictatoplis, the winner of the 35th annual airborne chicken wing eating contest. I was able to use the inter-library loan bag as a parachute to make a smooth descent. I was never more relieved than when I finally came to a landing back at the Library. That was until I discovered that I landed back in the middle of the mahjong game I got tossed out for cheating. Thankfully, I had enough hot sauce left to turn the bag into a rocket sled, and made a hasty escape.”

“Well Libby, It sounds like you and the inter-library loan bag had a real adventure! Readers, you can send one of Libby Library’s loan bags on a great adventure, too. It happens every time you borrow a book from a different library using our Interlibrary Loan program. One of our wonderful librarians will be happy to help you send one of those bags out on an adventure, too.”